Long car rides are dangerous for me because they give me a lot of time to think. I am quite prepared to admit that I can and do over think things, and I also misinterpret things with regular monotony BECAUSE I over think things. That combined with a propensity which errs on the side of the emotional rather than the rational and you have a very dangerous combination! I do come from a long line of family in which you know exactly how everyone’s feeling every second that we’re feeling it so in some ways I was doomed right from the start!

A classic example of this is the time I was convinced that I had ticked off a close friend. I had sent an SMS asking for a coffee catch-up and didn’t  hear back from her. Unfortunately due to some stuff my childhood which doesn’t need any elaboration here my default in situations like this one is to think the worst and wonder what I’ve done wrong. The end result of these musings is that I then massively overcompensate by doing things to try to either a) figure out what I’ve done wrong or b) try to ensure that I can get back into favor with whomever I think is disgruntled with me by lavishing them with large helpings of feel good stuff designed to make them change their mind about me! Crazy right????? I am getting better at this but it has taken me far longer that it should have. I have also had to learn that it’s okay to not be liked by everyone all of the time because it’s impossible to please everybody all of the time no matter how hard I try. But I digress.

After not hearing back from my friend for a few days despite several attempts to contact her I had run the gamut of emotions from sorry for myself to angry to sadness to resignation and everything in between. In situations like these my usual optimistic self transforms into irrationality and paranoia, some things that like I said I am working on! Turns out my friend had accidentally dropping her phone into a bucket of water and had been waiting for a replacement phone. So all of that time wasted on worry and jumping to conclusion was, for the most part, the result of way over thinking things.

There are occasions when my thought patterns are used for good. The road trip home from Boorowa a few weeks ago was one such occasion. We make the pilgrimage over there every year on the October long weekend for the annual Boorowa Irish Woolfest. With the running of the sheep down the main street followed by a parade and pop up stalls and rides it makes for a nice family day out. Okay so it might not have the class and sophistication of the Running of the Bulls in Spain but it is a little taste of Australia and there is no doubt Boorowa is a beautiful little town.  This time of the year is busy with birthdays too so my sister-in-law who is always the hostess with the mostess had organised a BBQ. As far as I’m concerned, any excuse for getting family together is good enough for me and this event was filled with family and good food and was punctuated with lots of “remember when’s….” and blanketed in laughter and contented sighs.

What made this event even more special was the mix of people who were there. Once again for reasons we don’t need to go into here, there had been some rifts in the family that had been there for years. I couldn’t tell you what happened to make one or other of the parties involved decide to mend bridges, all I know is that it was way overdue and I am grateful that it happened. I once saw a Facebook post that said “To forgive is to set someone free and then find out that it’s you.” I love it for its simplicity and yet it’s not always so easily done. There is something inside of all of us that wants to fight the injustices and rage against the wrongs and somewhere in all of those perfectly reasonable feelings we believe that forgiveness equals justice. Forgiveness is not easy and sometimes it’s a process but there is definitely a freedom that comes from separating yourself from the person or event which has brought sometimes enormous amounts of hurt and pain. So I say choose forgiveness every time, because even if it starts out being for altruistic reasons I guarantee you the end result will be liberating!

So to whoever made the first move in terms of mending family fences know that I will always be grateful. I have not been on the scene long enough to know what things were like before the rift but I can see what it must have been like because of what it is now. What was is now found in the sense of humor which make sense to no one but those who are connected biologically (and occasionally those of us who have married in!). What was is now found in old nicknames and the learning of new ones. What was is now found in new opportunities to get together to reminisce about old get togethers. What was is now captured in phrases like “see you soon” and “good to see you”. What was is not just in memories from the past, it’s in the promise of opportunities to create new memories.

And so, on the long ride home (and there’s some poetic licence right there – it’s really just an hour!) I was thinking to myself about how much I had missed being called “Kitten”, a name given to me and others by one of the family. The word on its own conjures up warm and fuzzy thoughts but when you add to the mix the idea of it being a pet name from someone you love and have missed, it becomes a word with immeasurable worth. And when I think about the time spent NOT hearing that word, I am determined not to waste a minute more. Because time is precious, and words like “kitten” have unsurpassable worth!